Hmm..

Feeling so sick.. Brain is pounding on my skull, no appetite (good), feeling so darn weak i could just fall of the chair now, barely slept last nite again, having nitemares worse than the past dreams i had...




I can be ok but it takes time i'm not a robot that can switch mood every few seconds...









This is my blog i can do wat i want whenever i want and u cant stop me from letting me do wat i want..

Unsensible..

U noe sometimes u just hate it when people are just so darn rude to u and it just fires up ur anger..

Rude as in rude in a not sarcastic way and they just dont think its rude and just hurts ur feelings and u just wanna point it out to them that its offensive and they think u're so so wrong and shoots u in the head again..

I noe i am rude ok no doubt bout that but i'm rude in a sarcastic way which is so different than rude in bad way get it?? Maybe u guys dont get wat i'm trying to say here...

Ok so wat i'm trying to say is dis person is so darn rude to me and dis person thinks i'm the 1 who's getting all worked up and it's my fault 4 getting so mad... Ridiculous.. This is absurd... Bloody hell... and to think i wanted to apologize over something i didnt do...

So freaking angry i couldnt confront this person.. Make me cant sleep properly for 2 days in a row... Mom thinks i'm crazy for not talking or being the crazy me i used to and she even asked to go to this 'Teenage Depression Talk' which is crazy... I'm sad ya depressed ya but not physcologically depressed til i'm like mad like Bukit Padang ppl mad...

It's so sad to hear it from ur mom to be asked and forced to go to this kinda depression help talk... Anyway i manage to talk her out on forcing me to go to that bloody talk thingy..

So frustrating.... I feel as if my life is getting worse by the day... A friend ( not telling who) is like getting weird, he's like ignoring and being so cold to another friend of mine.. I think he's like a changed person.. He's not wat he was before.. Is it caused by skul life stress?? Or is it caused by his way of saying i dont wanna be ur friend anymore?? Is so heart-breaking for me and my other friend..

Life is so messed up now.. It's no longer the high skul happy fun life i used to love and hate and love and hate... I think i'm changing to.. Please dont change!!... D: I'm becoming more dull, quiet, crazy-free person... I never see myself laugh or smile at all.. Seriously... I try to smile but i cant.. It's like my facial muscle aint moving when i move it.. I can say hahaha but i can laugh bout it..

This is a long post... Good coz i need help... It's like my happiness has been sucked right out of me.. I so so hope the 5C reunion JADI so i can get help with my so called depression state... I so wanna get drunk..

I dont now why but i keep having this weird dreams over and over.. I noe there r just dreams but it makes me feel so much better.. I've been dreaming bout doing bad things like smoking, drinking, being away from family, running away from home, staying with some guy i dont noe i met at a bar but it's just dreams.. i noe it's bad to do those things somehow it makes me feel so much better if i did that.. U think i'm going crazy???? I so so need help A.S.A.P..

I'm leaving soon and i dont wanna spend my holidays in this state so if u r trying to ruin my mood for the holidays, CONGRATULATIONS it worked out darn well..

I dont noe if my plans for next week are cancelled or not.. If it's not cancelled, should i be happy? Should i forget bout the past things u've done? Can i be happy by next week?? Can i be the happy joyful crazy person i used to?? Will my eyes sparkle when i see u?? Will my heart stop beating when i lay my eyes on u?? Will i ever feel the same way i used to when i see u... I personally dont noe how should i react anymore... I dont even noe if u'll feel the same way like u used to when u see me... Is it me or r u feeling the same way right now?? I cant expect u to change if u cant change the way u r.. I guess i'll have to live with wat u r no matter how painful it is so... Apologizing for watever i did to u.... Happy?? I dont think so...






I feel as if u don't want me anymore.. It's like i'm not worth anything to u anymore... Is it coz u're sick and tired of me?? Do u hate me so much that u're doing this to make me hate u so it's easier for me to let u go?? U dont want me anymore?? Do u wan to move on with ur life?? M i stopping u from reaching ur hopes and dreams?? It's not the 1st time we've been through this i doubt it wont happen again with our state like this...

Depression

So sad la... Always got other plans kacau me... 1st was planning to go see my so called "best fren" then coz of my lil bro tennis competition (if fall on same dat) i cant see my "best fren".. Haiz... It's been a month since i last saw him and heard his voice...


So nothing happened much lately... Jus dat my bloody phone finally rosak cant even on no matter wat i do so terpaksa i buy phone now but actually i was planning to get the phone after Chinese New Year... Bought a 2nd hand handphone which is actually Faith's handphone since she wanna sell it and i like dat phone so cin cai la.. When dis phone rosak buy again lo..

After learning my leason from my previous phone I SHALL NOT PUT PHONE IN POCKET or else i'll forget that its there and dump it in the washing machine again... Stupid like dat oso can...

Hey where's ur phone?
Oh my Gosh i dumped it in the washing machine Har har har...

At least i have a better phone now..


I miss u so much....

Stuck at home....

Gosh i'm so bored at home... Gotta stay home to feed my lil bro =.= means i only can go out when he goes to skul.. Sucks.... And i cant go out coz eveyone is working or studying... So sad... Make me think bout where i'm gonna study in the future... Scary...


Study ----> Further Studies -----> Training ----> Work -----> Marriage D: hahaha ----> Die


Ok so i got my gaji liao.. Not much but able to buy Chinese New Year stuff hahaha... I bought U.R.S heels so pwetty and high like 4 inch i think and it's black.. Then now waiting chance to go out to buy a purse... I need to get something that's older looking.. Dude i'm gonna be 18.. Legal adult lo cant use kiddy stuff hahaha...

I'm gonna be going to Kuching soon... Sad but happy at same time... I'll miss my Koala bear.. I'll miss my bed... I'll miss my TV ahh... I'll miss K.K food hahaha...

Adult life is hard.... I wanna go back to high skul where we can get free $$$ from parents and all u have to do is study.. No need work ur butt off to get $$$... Tiring.... I miss skul so so much... So depressed la.. Haiyo haiyo haiyo....

HEy when is 5C's class reunion o.. Say wan do last last cancel.... T.T So long i not crazy crazy like i used to be.. So depressed...............

HOLIDDAAAYYYY....

I feel as if my brain has stopped working... I like more blur now plus slow reaction... Dat day counted RM40 x 8 = RM360... WOW....

Ok anyway i finished working and now i'm bored as hell at home.. Sleep, eat, watch tv, shit, sleep... Gosh it's so boring but i cant work anymore coz who wanna employ a worker dat works for 3 weeks then go holiday a month then work again.. So just have to rot at home...

Nothing much to say... I noe my blog is getting more and more boring... Why??? Coz my life is so boring....

Gonna go HHHOOOLLLIIIDDDAAYYYYYY at Kuching... 6th til 21st Feb.. No Birthday here.. No Valentine's Day here... SAD.... Less presents but more money from Chinese New Year!!! Hahahaha...


Wanna get a lot of stuff with my gaji... Sad i cant keep any money after earning em.. Tempted...

Wanna get
- PHONE
- Purse
- Flats/Heels
- Handbags
- Cloths
- Books

I think dat's all..... But all in RED... Hahaha... I noe i'm crazy...